Untying the Knots in My Heart
#weak constitution #depression #indigestion #relationship problems
By Yi Xi, Korea
Translation by Guang Xiao
My marriage broke down in 2006. I harbored a lot of hatred toward my former husband. I would get angry whenever I thought about him. My deteriorating health seemed a direct reflection of thepain in my heart and the emotional knot in my gut. My abdomenfelt hard to the touch.
Troubled Mind and Body
I came to South Korea alone in 2006. When I first arrived, the financial and mental stresses I faced, together with the intestinal problems which had plagued me for years, left me physically weak. I would get exhausted just climbing two flights of stairs.
I had to return to the workforce when my son was still an infant. When I moved to Korea to make a living, I had little time for him.While my son resented me for not being present when he was growing up, I felt wronged by his lack of understanding.
I was still so young, but my body was already so weak. I often wondered what would become of my life. Suffering from poor health and mentally distressed, I often contemplated suicide. What stopped me was the thought of my elderly mother and adolescent son.
My friend introduced me to Busan Songjeong Bodhi Meditation Center in May 2014. The first time I chanted to Avalokitesvara, I was overcome by tears. The next afternoon, I went alone before Grandmaster JinBodhi’s portrait. I felt that Masterwas looking benevolently at me, as if saying, “Child, do not be sad any longer. All will be well.” Again, I broke down uncontrollably.My fears, anxieties and woes flowed out in a gush of tears.
I started prostrating before Master’s portrait. During the prostration, I felt as if I were my own child and began to empathize with the agony of growing up without a mother’s nurturing.
I bitterly regretted my mistakes. Why had I never considered the pain which separation from me must have caused my son? I owed him so much.
On Mother’s Day that year, I plucked up my courage and called my son to apologize. We spoke till late into the night. Later, I saw a post my son had written and shared with his friends: “This Mother’s Day was unforgettable. My mother is the best mother in the world. I love my mother more than anything.” My heart soared with happiness and filled with warmth.
I began volunteering at the Busan Songjeong Bodhi Meditation Center in August 2014, carrying out tasks such as general cleaning as well as translation of documents. I began living a very fulfilling life, delighted that I could be of help to others.
After practicing meditation for two months, I became stronger. When I initially took up Energy Bagua, my legs would tremble from exertion. With persistence, I was able to practice for an hour and climbing stairs became effortless.
As I continued my practice, my energylevels surged. Between November 2014and February 2015 I experienced spontaneous fasting, drinking only water and consuming small quantities of fruit every day. YetI was neither tired nor hungry. In fact, I was energetic and alert; my mind and body were at peace. Following that, my digestion and appetite improved.
Through volunteering at the group practices at the center, I’ve seen many people who start out looking gloomy and dejected, only to transform into bright beings through practicing meditation. Their happiness is matched by my delight at seeing their transformation.
Bringing Happiness to Others
Under the guidance of Grandmaster JinBodhi, I started to comprehend the meaning of the law of cause and effect, and learned how to accept and bear responsibility for my actions. The knots in my heart and gut were untied. In May 2017, I finally experienced the joy of letting go of the animosity toward my ex-husband. My heart was at peace whenever I thought about him. From that day on, my abdomen was softer, and my body felt lighter.
When I received my dharma name, I was extremely happy. My dharma name means joy. Master must have wished for me to be joyful and also to bring happiness to the people around me. Feeling blessed and inspired, I am profoundly grateful for all I have.
The intent of the testimonial is to offer wellness information of a general nature. Individual results of practice may vary.